


Spoilt Milk

by okbutphan



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: A bit shit, Angst, Break Up, Drabble, Light Angst, M/M, Phanfiction, Phil Lester Needs a Hug, Sad Ending, Sad Phil Lester, YouTuber Dan Howell, YouTuber Phil Lester, dan howell seems like a bit of a prick, good old boots, like the opposite of slow burn but they don't even end up together
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-28
Updated: 2017-08-28
Packaged: 2018-12-21 03:59:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,687
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11935863
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/okbutphan/pseuds/okbutphan
Summary: “I love you but you left me and I just want to feel like I’m still close to you and you left this t-shirt in my drawer and I’m walking around Boots sniffing colognes trying to find which one you wear”





	Spoilt Milk

**Author's Note:**

> Boots is like Macys i think???? idk im british,,, unggg tell meif u like it i might write more.. its kinda shitty drabble because i love this prompt

“Phil, I want to talk to you” Dan said slowly.

 

“What is it?” He asked, standing up and walking over to where Dan stood awkwardly at Phil’s bedroom door.

 

Dan paused. “I- I’m sorry but I don’t think I- love you anymore?” It sounded more like a question than a statement, a declaration of un-love.

 

“What?” There was nothing else Phil could’ve said. What is there to say when your boyfriend of ten years breaks up with you in the most nonchalant way possible?

 

“I’m sorry- I care about you but recently I’ve been forcing myself with this whole thing- our lives are so perfect but I just don’t want-“

 

“To be with me.” Phil finished.

 

“I’m sorry” Dan repeated, and Phil could see tears coming to his eyes. He could feel them pricking in the corners of his own too. Dan moved closer to Phil but he took a step back and avoided looking at him.

 

“Are you moving out?” Phil whispered.

 

Dan looked uncomfortable. “I think it’s best” He said quietly, “the only thing is how are we going to explain to the fans?”

 

“How can you even think of the fans Dan? You just broke my heart and now you’re wondering how we’re going to tell our subscribers that we don’t live together anymore?” Phil’s voice broke and he was fighting to stop himself from throwing himself at Dan and begging him to stay with him.

 

“Phil-“ Dan started.

 

“Get out.”

 

Dan could hear Phil’s voice wobble and knew he was holding back tears. He hesitated.

 

“I said get out.” Phil didn’t turn around again until he heard the front door close. He collapsed onto his bed and curled up into a ball, tears streaming down his face.

*

 

A week later and Phil was still getting two mugs in the morning when he made coffee, only to realise there was only one person in the apartment, which was him.

He had bought Crunchy Nut while doing the weekly shop, even though he didn’t like it that much and only really stole it to make Dan laugh.

But there was no Dan around to laugh anymore, and no reason to buy Crunchy Nut.

 

He’d had a good day, he’d gone for lunch with Louise and they’d laughed so hard she’d fallen off her chair. He was emptying clothes from the laundry basket and found a grey top that he knew wasn’t his. It belonged to the person who he’d tried to avoid thinking about this whole time. What was he meant to do with it? He didn’t want to give it back to him, nor did he want to claim it as his own.

 

‘Fuck.’ He said out loud. ‘Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fucking fuck’

 

He screwed it into a ball and threw it to the corner of the room. He’d tried so hard to just cut Dan out of his life completely, yet he still cried each night at how lonely his bed was with only one person in it.

Of course, he could give it away to a charity shop, but Phil didn’t feel that he could bring himself to do that. He picked it up, and brought it to his face.

 

It smelt like him.

Maybe if Phil snuffled his face into it a little more, it would feel like he was snuffling into Dan, maybe curling up together on the sofa after a busy day, relaxing together and simply enjoying each others company.

 

Although- how long had he been wanting to leave? Had it been months? All the sweet memories they had together, were they sour in Dan’s mind? Or had their relationship simply spoilt like milk and had to be thrown away as soon as possible?

Dan had let himself in sometime during the week while Phil had been out and collected some of his things- his camera, his laptop, his toothbrush, even his bed was stripped bare down to the mattress cover.

When Phil had seen it, after coming back from a comforting lunch with Martyn and Cornelia, he’d simply laid on the mattress and cried. He cried harder when he noticed that Dan had even taken his beloved butt chair.

 

Perhaps he would come back again while Phil was there and he could apologise and throw himself at Dan’s feet and beg him to stay, to just give him another chance-

but that wouldn’t happen. Dan looked at “find my friends” and made sure he didn’t break Phil’s heart any further.

 

“Please, Dan” he whispered into the t-shirt. “I need you, I can’t do this without you.”

 

He logged onto his Tumblr, and the most recent thing in his tag was a post with pictures from one of his old videos, the comments being nothing but hate. He looked through the first few, and the last photo had a comment from Dan, saying “you deserve to win :D <3”, sandwiched between “trying too hard” and “BTW Emo Girl, what a wonderful democracy we would all live in if we didn’t say anything because it didn’t conform to what your idea of ‘nice’ is”.

 

Dan once looked at his like all the stars were in his eyes, yet last week he couldn’t even look him in the face to tell him that he didn’t love him anymore. Phil sniffed the shirt again. What cologne was that? It smelt so… Dan-ish. He went into the bathroom and opened the cabinet. Would Dan have taken it with him? Probably not, if he was in a rush; and Phil knew he was, because he knocked over a house plant but didn’t stop to pick it up. The Dan he knew would never do anything so inconsiderate. Then again, clearly he didn’t even know Dan that well.

 

He picked up each cologne and sniffed it carefully. None of them smelt like Dan! How could he be with someone for ten years but not even remember their cologne? Without thinking, he grabs his wallet and takes a taxi to the local Boots. Dan’s t-shirt is in his hands and his eyes are rimmed with red but he really doesn’t have much dignity left. He heads to the cologne isle and picks up bottles at random, bringing them to his nose and occasionally comparing them to the t-shirt in his hands.

 

“But- Dan, you can’t just leave and never come back? Surely you’re going to work out how to split the bank accounts and everything? And who keeps the flat? It’s way too big- and expensive for him to pay on his own- Dan are you even listening?”

 

Possibly the worst thing that could’ve happened, happened. Dan and PJ walked right into Boots, and Dan stopped to stare at Phil, who pretended not to see him and kept sniffing cologne’s and tried to stuff the shirt into his pocket unseen. What was he meant to do? Did he say hello to PJ but ignore Dan? Did he say hello to the both of them? Did he just ignore them? Did he hide? Did he take advice from one of Dan’s videos and pretend to be having an argument on the phone?

 

What was the done thing when you’re searching for your ex-boyfriend’s cologne because you miss the way he smells and he left without properly explaining what you did to drive him away?

 

Phil ran.

 

He ran all the way back to the empty flats, and knocked back glassful after glassful of wine, his throat sore from crying so hard and the redness from his eyes had spread to his whole face. He picked himself up and went to splash water on his face. 

"No wonder he left. How could anyone love an ugly mug like me?" He said out loud, looking properly at himself in the mirror. There were deep purple circles under his eyes and a redness surrounding them that seemed to be a constant. He let himself fall to the ground, sitting uncomfortably on the cold tiles. He turned on his phone and simply looked at his background of him and Dan together, smiling. He tapped in his password and opened messages. Phil clicked onto Dan's contact and let it ring. 

Part of him was hoping that Dan would pick up, even though he knew that he wouldn't. When the beep sounded for Phil to leave his message, hot tears began to trickle down his face. Would Dan even listen to this? 

 

"Hi Dan," He said slowly. "I know that you probably don't want to hear from me and I'm sorry for calling. I just- it's so fucking lonely without you. It's really, really hard. We've spent time away from each other before, but then we texted and I knew that you still loved me- well if you ever really did-" he paused, not knowing how to continue. "You might not even listen to this and I understand but- I just want to know what I did. Dan you are- were- no, are the love of my life and just understanding that you don't feel that way, anymore- is, no I can't, sorry- I just really miss you. I'm sorry for what I did. I'm sorry that I wasn't good enough. I hope you do find someone good enough, and that is completely sincere, because Dan Howell you deserve the world and more and- and I'm really sorry that I couldn't give it to you. That's- uh, that's it, goodbye. I'm sorry for still loving you, by the way, and running from you in Boots. It was nice to see you doing okay though."

*

 

It was hard for Dan not to call Phil back. It was hard for him to listen as the man he loved? Once loved? Break down, and tell him that he wasn't good enough for him. It was hard listening to his best friend think that he didn't deserve the world

Their relationship had simply curdled, gone rotten like spoilt milk, and there's no use keeping something around like that because all it does is ruin your cereal, stink up your fridge, and makes your eyes water. 

**Author's Note:**

> this is a bit shit sorry everyone  
> ALSO I GOT THE EXPRESSION WRONG BUT I STILL LIKE IT FUCK YOU


End file.
